These Phrases given by A Dad That Helped Us during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a healthy space. You require some help. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a wider inability to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a display of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to take a break - spending a short trip away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "bad choices" when younger to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, tell a friend, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their issues, altered how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I think my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."